A Brief Absence

I have so much catching up to do. I have so many fun things to post about. The boys have completed swim lessons, we have been on several adventures, and these last few days before school begins again we are trying to cram as much in as we can.


All of this while trying to navigate through the unknown. Trying to find a path through a wilderness of best guesses and hopes that this is the right path this time. I know the one who has all the answers and who knows which path is best for today and for tomorrow, but while he leaves us specific instructions for some we are left to trust for the rest. So I have to put my trust in doctors and the best guesses they have for my treatment. The more I learn and the more I read I find that is really all it is. Theory, guesses, trials, no one seems to know for sure.

The last month has been a rough month filled with lots of naps, pain, hope for it to stop soon, trying as best I can to explain all this to the three sets of eyes who watch me daily. Hoping I am somehow showing them in the midst of all of this that I don’t know what is next, but that our Father does. Do they see him through all of this? Lots of praying by all of us. Will He let them see answers to their soft generous prayers? So from dr. to dr. we take the best guesses and give them a try because really what else to we have?

On the good days we fit as much in as we can. On the bad days I fake as much as I can. Funny how in the midst of everything life doesn’t stop. I see each of their tiny faces getting more sun kissed and freckled every day. Each one’s hair is lightening from the golden rays that shine each summer day and I am thankful that I get to see this. I am so thankful to be their mom and get a part in their life. They are the reason I fight so hard.

We even get some moments to laugh in the midst of what seems like controlled chaos. While backing out I managed to run into the side of the garage. Now I realize my vision isn’t great these days, but surely I should have been able to see this. What a reaction from the back seats! “Wow, Mom is that going to leave a dent?” How I so just wanted to cry, but realized quickly they were loving this. I wonder how much their father will Love this?

We have had a few scary moments. Lillian managed to swallow a marble which quickly became lodged in her throat. Her big brothers were awesome. They came quickly pulling her along to get help. Within a short time we had the marble out and everyone was crying sweet relief. Again I held her, rocking her, so thankful for her little life and the part He has allowed me to play in it.

So while each day this past month hasn’t been filled with perfection I am thankful. Thankful that I can have good moments. Thankful for doctors who don’t give up and are continuing to try and figure it all out. Thankful that all my little ones are big enough that mom can rest for a moment if needed. So thankful that He never leaves us or forsakes us. As we approach the last month before school starts we are going to cram as much fun in as we can muster.